George was one of my very first customers at the Steakhouse, he was a cantankerous old man with a knack for making the waitresses either really angry or upset. George pissed me off the very first time I waited on him. He complained when the drink prices went up and still paid the old price for his Manhattan a year later. He noticed that the chicken and bisquits went up four cents and he complained. He was a member of a slowly decreasing number of the "Romeo club" that dine at the Steakhouse. I grew rather fond of George and would on a slower night have a seat at the Romeo club's table to chat. The last time we talked, I said I was happy to see them again, as it had been awhile...and George says in a rather saucy tone "Mindy, I'm THRILLED to see you!" It made me laugh.
Red, another Romeo near and dear to my heart, said to me last, that there are less and less of the 'Romeos' and that he might be the next to go...
Then Tina blurted out that George passed away. Apparently, he became very ill at the restaurant one night and the owner, Geoff had to drive him home. He had a heartattack and didn't make it through it. I guess I caught everyone off guard when I started to cry. I mean, this was GEORGE. He was supposed to break the new girls in. He was always there with his cane and a shit-eating grin. And I had this feeling that I didn't get to see him one last time, or tell him goodbye. I just felt SAD. I felt sad for Red, Bob, and for Bill...who is watching his wife fade away...
So George, Goodbye. I really will miss you. I hope you have found peace.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Back from our trip....
The kids and I have had some vacation time, 10 days to be precise. We took a little mini vacation to Knoebels amusement park this last weekend. It was good. Lots of rough spots, which upon I will elaborate later. I'm supposed to be back into the work week, but the ex is making it difficult as he agreed to pick up the kids then decided not to. So I have no babysitter until my mom gets finished with work, and the boys will have to sleep in a little and I have some free time to get finished unpacking and all that. So I will extend my vacation a few more hours with the kids. I think I can deal with it.
I can smell fall in the air today.
I can smell fall in the air today.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Time...
These days, I'm constantly feeling the crunch. Time. There have been so many times in my life that I needed some concrete answers instead of this reach and feel in the dark. I could use some now.
I'm very discouraged with the teaching field right now. They told me it would be difficult to land a job. Experience in this rural area I find, thus far, its impossible. How long do I wait? I'm considering going back to school. No, I have decided I am. I am grateful that things are better now, but I can't settle here. No retirement, no medical benefits, and no way up. And no house. I am going crazy living in someone else's house, paying rent every month...for rooms I can't even paint a lovely shade of purple should I desire. And a vacation...I would just once like to feel I can pay the bills (including attorney's fees) and still be able to take the kids on a real vacation.
But I have to consider when going back to school, the cost, monetary of course, but also the cost on the kids, on whatever social life I may have, on me. How much can I take on without totally cracking up? As it is, realistically, I'm very frustrated with keeping up on household stuff and work. But I'm 33. Forty is looking down on me with a welcoming smile. I would like meet it with stability on my back.
And I'm at the point where I feel like I'm making a decision that has sort of been made for me already. No relationship, no partner, no personal fulfillment (other than the rewarding job as mom)...maybe this is what I need to do. Grow. Learn. Increase my marketability.
I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm very discouraged with the teaching field right now. They told me it would be difficult to land a job. Experience in this rural area I find, thus far, its impossible. How long do I wait? I'm considering going back to school. No, I have decided I am. I am grateful that things are better now, but I can't settle here. No retirement, no medical benefits, and no way up. And no house. I am going crazy living in someone else's house, paying rent every month...for rooms I can't even paint a lovely shade of purple should I desire. And a vacation...I would just once like to feel I can pay the bills (including attorney's fees) and still be able to take the kids on a real vacation.
But I have to consider when going back to school, the cost, monetary of course, but also the cost on the kids, on whatever social life I may have, on me. How much can I take on without totally cracking up? As it is, realistically, I'm very frustrated with keeping up on household stuff and work. But I'm 33. Forty is looking down on me with a welcoming smile. I would like meet it with stability on my back.
And I'm at the point where I feel like I'm making a decision that has sort of been made for me already. No relationship, no partner, no personal fulfillment (other than the rewarding job as mom)...maybe this is what I need to do. Grow. Learn. Increase my marketability.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Just me in my camo capris!
Ahhhhh. Kids are in bed, sleeping peacefully after a long 'tucking in'. Sweet dreams, little angels.
Our custody exchanges have hit an all time, all out war status. As I am as unhappy with some things in our new custody order in which I got (for the most part) what I asked for, I try to keep my myself in check with the fact that I can't have it all. D (the ex) doesn't seem to have this self-regulating mechanism. All or nothing.
So during one of these exchanges, Darwin stood in the doorway and started an argument. Then it moved out to the mudroom where his hausfrau cheerleader jumped in and I said "You know what, thats it. Get out of my house, thanks for sharing, but leave." I had to repeat it again, but they left. And as they left, when I wouldn't continue the argument, D gives me the up and down look and says in his sarcastic way..."Thats a good look for you."
So (going back) D dislikes anything trendy or funky. Me, I like my individuality and enjoy the funky stuff. I pretty much have a good idea of what he does/doesn't like and although his opinions are probably ingrained in the back of my mind forever, I really don't give a shit what he thinks.
So if he doesn't like my shiny green toenails, flip flops, camo capris and black spandex shirt, it's not my problem. What I find amazing is that he would have the slightest inkling that such a comment would bother me in the least with the assumption that I care what he thinks. What I find amusing is my desire to wear those camo capris every single time we exchange custody. Maybe Sunday I'll accessorize with some skulls and crossbones....
Our custody exchanges have hit an all time, all out war status. As I am as unhappy with some things in our new custody order in which I got (for the most part) what I asked for, I try to keep my myself in check with the fact that I can't have it all. D (the ex) doesn't seem to have this self-regulating mechanism. All or nothing.
So during one of these exchanges, Darwin stood in the doorway and started an argument. Then it moved out to the mudroom where his hausfrau cheerleader jumped in and I said "You know what, thats it. Get out of my house, thanks for sharing, but leave." I had to repeat it again, but they left. And as they left, when I wouldn't continue the argument, D gives me the up and down look and says in his sarcastic way..."Thats a good look for you."
So (going back) D dislikes anything trendy or funky. Me, I like my individuality and enjoy the funky stuff. I pretty much have a good idea of what he does/doesn't like and although his opinions are probably ingrained in the back of my mind forever, I really don't give a shit what he thinks.
So if he doesn't like my shiny green toenails, flip flops, camo capris and black spandex shirt, it's not my problem. What I find amazing is that he would have the slightest inkling that such a comment would bother me in the least with the assumption that I care what he thinks. What I find amusing is my desire to wear those camo capris every single time we exchange custody. Maybe Sunday I'll accessorize with some skulls and crossbones....
Thursday, July 12, 2007
A Day in the Life...Oh Boy.
At work I reconnected with a woman I worked with years ago at a Restaurant where we both waitressed. She was the mother of one of my classmates, and we used to talk about things (back in the married days). So now, we are both TSS's and have kind of rebuilt a new friendship under new circumstances. I'm pretty lucky, I have made quite a few new friends of late.
So yesturday we were talking, and I'm back into my change mode or rather, the desire for change is just getting more intense. I'm telling her about my social life (or lack thereof), some of the hellacious hours I work, and how I feel like there is more I could be doing. I'm thinking that I have quite a bit of alone time and maybe I should start online classes, again. I'm frustrated at best with the teaching possibilities and have found a viable option for completing a masters, or even doctorate in pyschology. Glenda looked at me for a minute, and said 'You're bored, Min." Yup. That summed it up pretty well. There are too few challenges, and even though I work my ass off some weeks, at the end of it I feel like I have done nothing but twiddle my mental thumbs for 50 hours. This encompasses my work and social life. Boredom.
So also this week, I reconnected with a guy I dated who I dumped about 6 months ago. He was a little more interested in me, a little more courteous...and so I suckered in. He frustrates me. Honestly, I am not too emotional anymore, but I have to admit I was mildly hopeful. So after a few conjugal visits I invited him to dinner. I honestly didn't think he would show. But he did. I was kind of impressed since it was the first time I could nail him down from something other than...you know what or a movie. (How stupid am I to even try this again???) So I was working on dinner and began with a conversation starter like 'What's new?'. His response was a rather cryptic "Oh, something big" and made me pry it out of him. Well, he's got a baby on the way. So this is how I handle it. I get busy, choke down the tears of disappointment, then do my psychological picking. How, who, and what do you want to do about it? He said he hasn't decided if he wants to pursue a relationship with her. So, me, when the red fades, I cut to the meat of it and asked "So what the fuck are you doing here?" And then I had to specify..."no here. I'm my house." And then instead of throwing him out, I cracked open a bottle of valpollacella and listened. More valpollacella, and told him he was probably set up but dude, you totally fucked up. You don't have sex with people that CAN'T use protection, idiot. More valpollacella and thoughts like, thats it...never again. I'm going to use every free minute to get ahead in the only way I seem to have open to me. More Valpollacella and I thought fuck it, let him stay a little longer...let myself cry my wine tears and sent him packing after asking rhetorically, "What exactly was wrong with me? This girl may possibly be your nightmare, maybe you're dream, but I'm not inviting you back." Hopefully he feels pretty damned awful. I didn't sleep, woke up hangover free and with a renewed feeling that with regard to men, its best to be one bad ass, heartless, self centered bitch who doesn't need a damn thing from anyone. I never thought I would be proud of being cold.
On the flip side, I'm going to work to have the girl chat with my friends. I'm going to see some kids with the most horrific challenges have some success at camp. Kids that don't trust easily, but ask for my help and give me a smile or a giggle. This part of my heart is wide open.
So yesturday we were talking, and I'm back into my change mode or rather, the desire for change is just getting more intense. I'm telling her about my social life (or lack thereof), some of the hellacious hours I work, and how I feel like there is more I could be doing. I'm thinking that I have quite a bit of alone time and maybe I should start online classes, again. I'm frustrated at best with the teaching possibilities and have found a viable option for completing a masters, or even doctorate in pyschology. Glenda looked at me for a minute, and said 'You're bored, Min." Yup. That summed it up pretty well. There are too few challenges, and even though I work my ass off some weeks, at the end of it I feel like I have done nothing but twiddle my mental thumbs for 50 hours. This encompasses my work and social life. Boredom.
So also this week, I reconnected with a guy I dated who I dumped about 6 months ago. He was a little more interested in me, a little more courteous...and so I suckered in. He frustrates me. Honestly, I am not too emotional anymore, but I have to admit I was mildly hopeful. So after a few conjugal visits I invited him to dinner. I honestly didn't think he would show. But he did. I was kind of impressed since it was the first time I could nail him down from something other than...you know what or a movie. (How stupid am I to even try this again???) So I was working on dinner and began with a conversation starter like 'What's new?'. His response was a rather cryptic "Oh, something big" and made me pry it out of him. Well, he's got a baby on the way. So this is how I handle it. I get busy, choke down the tears of disappointment, then do my psychological picking. How, who, and what do you want to do about it? He said he hasn't decided if he wants to pursue a relationship with her. So, me, when the red fades, I cut to the meat of it and asked "So what the fuck are you doing here?" And then I had to specify..."no here. I'm my house." And then instead of throwing him out, I cracked open a bottle of valpollacella and listened. More valpollacella, and told him he was probably set up but dude, you totally fucked up. You don't have sex with people that CAN'T use protection, idiot. More valpollacella and thoughts like, thats it...never again. I'm going to use every free minute to get ahead in the only way I seem to have open to me. More Valpollacella and I thought fuck it, let him stay a little longer...let myself cry my wine tears and sent him packing after asking rhetorically, "What exactly was wrong with me? This girl may possibly be your nightmare, maybe you're dream, but I'm not inviting you back." Hopefully he feels pretty damned awful. I didn't sleep, woke up hangover free and with a renewed feeling that with regard to men, its best to be one bad ass, heartless, self centered bitch who doesn't need a damn thing from anyone. I never thought I would be proud of being cold.
On the flip side, I'm going to work to have the girl chat with my friends. I'm going to see some kids with the most horrific challenges have some success at camp. Kids that don't trust easily, but ask for my help and give me a smile or a giggle. This part of my heart is wide open.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Long time, no post.
Oh where to begin!? Catching up...my sons will now be living with me as the primary parent. Their dad has every weekend during the school year, I have weekends in the summer. It's hard just seeing them a few days a week, plus an extended vacation time. Derek and Dalton came after their very long vacation for the weekend and Derek asked me why he only can stay two days since he is supposed to be seeing me more now??? The hard questions never stop.
Their dad has been a monster as usual. I tried to approach the new situation with a spirit of compromise, and when I need the same, I hit a brick wall. After all his testimony on how wonderful a life they lead, Derek came back from the vacation with a few horror stories on daddy's temper (like using the h word, b word and d word-something he said he NEVER did, swearing in front of the kids). Daddy called an old guy a 'son of a (person)' because he wouldn't move his car and I asked Derek if the guy moved after Daddy said that...and how did it really help to use a bad word? Gotta love the teachable moments. I also just received the 'summer work' from Daltons teacher to help him keep up for next year, a month after school is out. Mr. Mom, who swore he helps the kids with academics has not sat down with Dalton or Derek one time to help them with some supplemental work...when both struggle in school. I could pull my hair out.
The newest news...The boys dad filed an appeal. It's a bit of cloud over my head.
SUMMER! I'm working full time. It kind of sucks. My time with the boys (weekends)is short but completely belongs to them. Derek has 'opened up' and I think is starting to feel safer in confiding his feelings to me. Dalton is just happy to be with Derek all of the time. I have so much joy when I am with them. Summer plans are reduced since I have to come up with a retainer for the appeal, but we laugh and talk, hunt monster crayfish in the creek and swim at Nanny's house. Life is good.
I'm typing up my getting ready for work time. I will be back soon! Well wishes to all... (if there is anyone out there still checking for new posts!)
Their dad has been a monster as usual. I tried to approach the new situation with a spirit of compromise, and when I need the same, I hit a brick wall. After all his testimony on how wonderful a life they lead, Derek came back from the vacation with a few horror stories on daddy's temper (like using the h word, b word and d word-something he said he NEVER did, swearing in front of the kids). Daddy called an old guy a 'son of a (person)' because he wouldn't move his car and I asked Derek if the guy moved after Daddy said that...and how did it really help to use a bad word? Gotta love the teachable moments. I also just received the 'summer work' from Daltons teacher to help him keep up for next year, a month after school is out. Mr. Mom, who swore he helps the kids with academics has not sat down with Dalton or Derek one time to help them with some supplemental work...when both struggle in school. I could pull my hair out.
The newest news...The boys dad filed an appeal. It's a bit of cloud over my head.
SUMMER! I'm working full time. It kind of sucks. My time with the boys (weekends)is short but completely belongs to them. Derek has 'opened up' and I think is starting to feel safer in confiding his feelings to me. Dalton is just happy to be with Derek all of the time. I have so much joy when I am with them. Summer plans are reduced since I have to come up with a retainer for the appeal, but we laugh and talk, hunt monster crayfish in the creek and swim at Nanny's house. Life is good.
I'm typing up my getting ready for work time. I will be back soon! Well wishes to all... (if there is anyone out there still checking for new posts!)
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