*BURP*

Began the day with "The Look" from my ex this morning. It's the 'you disgust me, may you rot with worms you are 3 minutes late" look. The good news is, I have eaten my frog and the rest of the day will be no worse than that.

One really good day :)

Today was a great day, truly. Spring-like warmth in the air and a whole day of 'free' time with the monsters. I feel the gloomy frustration of the last week ebbing away, if slowly. For months, I have been submitting resumes, getting a few interviews and one job offer that was just too far away to make it feasible. If the last two years hadn't been such hell...with so many sacrifices, financially and emotionally, this frustrating and seemingly impossible job search might be more easily taken in stride. And to top it all off, I really want to move as we seem to be out-growing this house. I found this house, a blue ranch style home set back in the mountains with a 7 mile view of the lake. A den with a fireplace, 3 bedrooms, eat-in kitchen and dining room, 2 car garage and a large deck. AND they said the tenant can paint at will. All for only 125 more than what I pay for my house now. However, I can't do it with a part-time waitressing job. I have so many dreams and have waited so long for the payback...to see all of the friggin sweat and tears pool into a cushion of security...nothing more.

So, back to today. The kids and I had a lazy morning, simply because we could, and after lunch got our things together for a road trip. We packed ice skating gear in case we decided to skate. But our main purpose was to explore the glass museum in New York. It cost $5.00 for the three of us and we had a great time. Their exhibits ranged from windshields, to telescopes and microscopes, to ancient glassmaking, to everyday glassware. It wasn't a day for me to meander around examining glass sculpture or ancient mesopotamian glass artifacts, my 4 and 8 yr. old weren't all that impressed. We did enjoy the innovation display and the glassblowing demonstration. It was a short trip, but a good one. Then we decided to have dinner at this Italian restaurant my ex-husband and I used to go to, but they didn't open until 5 and it was only 4;15 when we got there. So the kids and I explored Market Street. I love Market Street, with it's brick sidewalks and dozens of shops, art galleries and microbreweries. We visited this craft and candle shop where we discovered a basket of beanie babies for $3.00 each. So that made the kiddies a little less impatient with our window shopping excursion. Even I got a beanie baby, a sloth, because it brought back memories of an old friend. Then we ventured on to a small art gallery, I wanted my son Derek to experience the different styles of painting. He is already known at his school as quite the artist. (His kindergarten teacher had a student that became an illustrator and said Derek reminded her of this student.) After our walk we headed back to the restaurant for dinner.

The restaurant...now that brought back memories; a few good ones of sharing wine with my ex-husband when on the rare occasion things were good and there was the hint of romance in the air. On the flip side, the more recent memories of me sitting there with him after an argument, crying throughout the entire dinner and he, nonchalantly eating and drinking as though I had no good reason to be acknowledged at all. But tonight was nice, just my sons and I, no one else's agenda to adhere to, no one complaining or rushing us, no critical rantings of our behavior. Days like today I really enjoy that I have the freedom of just being me, and my boys being with ME. We then headed home, watched Shark Tale for the 20th time, played Connect Four and wrestled. The monsters were tucked in, and a request for snuggling resulted in my falling asleep and having to post my blog this morning. Nothing too deep or even especially interesting here, just a good day in the life of a bluenewt on the brink of something greater. It is what it is.

Stuff.

Notes of a working mom:

1. Recipe for disaster: pair of scissors, box of craft paint, a 4 yr. old and an oblivious babysitter. Final product: cut shower curtain, work shirt and slippers, green tire tracks from a wet painted John Deere toy tractor on my comforter and bedroom curtains and a painted, sleeping child.
2. I may find on any given night tupperware dishes containing dead minnows on my nightstands after a trip to the 'creek'.
3. Note to self; missing spatula, tongs and spoons, check sandbox in the morning.
4. Lipstick smears in the tub...find the lipstick ASAP.
5. Dalton can paint all 10 fingernails with blue nailpolish in 5 minutes or less behind the recliner.
6. Derek can draw pictures on nearly a whole package of printer paper in one night.
7. Macaroni and cheese is ok if the water isn't drained before adding the milk, butter and cheese...That's how the babysitter made it.
8. An entire box of cereal can be consumed during one 5 hour shift.
9. Flarp putty leaves greasy tracks on the walls.
10. Kids have no limitations in their artistic creativity. They can do wonders with a paycheck and permanent marker.

Notes of a small-town waitress:

1. The richest man in the county leaves the worst tip.
2. The largest tip I have ever received is $200.00.
3. And elderly gentleman ran into me at the grocery store one day, while shopping with the kids. My 4-yr. old was in the middle of a full-blown temper tantrum. This gentleman reminds of that incident every time he sees me.
4. My oldest son had his picture taken in the car of a rally race car driver I waited on.
5. Don Vito from Viva La Bam comes in yearly and eats mashed potatoes with his hands.
6. An audiologist that comes in heard me singing (as I always do) and said he would pull strings to get me a spot on American Idol. (I think he was kidding).
7. I had to settle an argument between a couple having dinner...was I closer to 23 or 26? Of course at 31 I said 23.
8. Methods of calculating a tip: multiply the tax by 3, use a percentage, leave 2 bucks regardless, leave less than the amount of the check.
9. Some people want fish that doesn't smell, taste or look like fish.
10. Bloopers:
(harried waitress) "Would you like a beer with your glass?" (silence, then good-humored customer response) "I would like a steak with my plate."
(little old lady) "Could I get some of that sauce..oh, it sounds like dick."
(middle aged lady) " I was so hungry for beef that cows were running away as I drove by!"

Happy Birthday to me :)

My sons are here again and I am reminded of what 'whole' feels like. When alone, the clock's ticking becomes louder than my thoughts, telling me that the countdown of another minute, another day, another year, has begun. When with my children, I forget about the clock and it's time-keeping. If I could go back, if I knew then what I know now, if I could have one birthday wish for a change... I would not have to hear my 4 year-old say to me as he is about to leave with his father, "I don't wanna weave you".

Today was a beautiful day, complete with all the duties of parenthood, and some extras...a little tickle monster, some books, scattered legos and lots of hugs. My youngest, Dalton has a cold, and wants me to 'nuggle' him. Derek needs his sleep to accomplish his duties as a big second-grader this year. My time for reflection will wait. A happy 32nd birthday indeed.

While you were sleeping...

Lying still at the end
of one long, exhausting day,
covered in a hand-made quilt
by a loving grandmother long
passed,
an arm flops over my
shoulders, "I love you
mommy"...
A breathless sigh as
you fall into slumber.
Eyes have closed,
breathing slows
and dreams send you on to
freedom,
stealing your tiny, sweet
soul for the hours of rest
you require.
I lie there with you my
child, ever jealous of the
dreams that take over.
And while you were sleeping
tears welled upon the rims
of my eyes,
and I look upon you with
infinite wonder...
You are my spirit
my hope, my purpose,
And my love for you
will never fade or
falter.
You are my heart
in your grandmothers quilt
and in my love lies your home
forever.

Bluenewt

Starting again...

Tomorrow marks the 32 nd year of my life. I have made a vow to myself to break out of my shell, to discover new territories, to do the unthinkable. This blog is my beginning in that resolve. And to be honest, it's not an easy thing for me to do...even as I write, I'm breaking out into a cold sweat. Confidence is not one of my stronger qualities. At 32, I'm a mother of two glorious boys who have been fought over in ongoing custody battles: a waitress who spends countless hours pouring over employment ads searching for teaching positions...or even something like it...; a single woman who has made a career of dating and has come to find acceptance in being and staying single. I was once told that I needed to break like 10 hearts before having a real relationship. I have, and suffered some disappointment also in the process. This year is dedicated to contentment. I have the love of two children and the love of some very, very amazing friends. This is my new beginning.

Bluenewt