Thunderstorms

It's going to be another sleepless night. I came home and thought I saw the flash of lightning. As it turns out, I did. I was reading a few blogs before bed and then came this huge crashing thunder. Seriously, I felt the floor shake for at least 10 seconds. I usually don't mind thunderstorms. Mostly when the boys are here...we all pile into my bed together. I'm alone tonight. The scarier storms remind me of when I was a child, about 7, when I learned about Armageddon from the Jehovah's Witnesses and thought every storm was the end of the world. I remember sitting on the floor crying in the livingroom while my mom tried to console me. I was an emotional child. I felt the weight of the world early on. I remember another time sitting on the stoop, listening to Meatloaf on a summer day at the same house...the one on Barber road. I cried and cried when I realized what the words were to "Heaven can wait". I was young then too...it was before I was in third grade, because we had moved from the house.

Anyhow. I'm not good weathering thunderstorms alone. And I'm still so tired I can't stand it. I have no clue when these resumes will get done, the Standard Teaching application filled out and a Philosophy of Education written. And my taxes. It's all just piling up. And emotions...today, my 'kid' at school wigged out. She has been through so much. I talked to her and plainly said that she was making it worse by screaming and running. I offered her alternative ways to express her feelings...no matter what she felt or needed to say I would be there... but she had to do it differently. She started to cry, silently and real tears...and I fought it but still the sting of tears came for this little kid.

I meant to call my sons from work, but before I realized it, it was after 8:00. The heavy weight of guilt fell and I called anyway. No answer of course, but I left a message that their father won't let them hear. I'll call them in the morning and will see them tomorrow night. I miss them.

I'm off to read a little more and will head to bed. Maybe the plinking of the raindrops on the rooftop will lull me into a deep, restful, satisfying and desperately needed sleep.