Coping in Chaos

First, a conversation from last night;

(Dalton enters kitchen from living room) Dalton: My hermit crab is gone!
Me: Dalton where is it?
Dalton: It was on the floor, and it's gone. It crawled away.
Me: WHAT!? Why was it out of it's cage?
Dalton: I put it on the floor next to me.
Me: Dalton why did you leave it there? You know how fast he crawls!!
Dalton shrugs his shoulders: He's gone. Find my hermit crab?
Me, pulling out furniture furiously looking for the white snail shell called coco: Dalton!! I can't believe you! If we find that crab, you will never touch it again. If we don't find that crab, you will never touch it again. And you will never, ever have another hermit crab again. Now he's going to die, and he's going to stink like crazy, and it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!
(Dalton appears nonchalant)
Me: It's time for bed. I'll look for Coco later.
Dalton: Find my hermit crab for me, mommy?
Me (to self silently) Why did I leave the cage out? Why did I let him talk me into letting him look at the crab? DID I NOT KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!
Me: Dalton I will try.

Later that night, I turn off the lights and go upstairs. I wait. I come back down, flip on the lights and AHA! No sign of the crab. I go to bed.

(Next morning) I creep down the steps and flip on the lights. Search furiously and no crab. Get kids to school. Go to work.

I become the Forest Gump of TSS staff. I am involved in an involuntary game of tag and hide and seek in an Elementary school. I run up the hallway, I run down the hallway, up the hallway and down again. Fly girl tags kindergartener and carries to Principal's office. Was it really last week that I thought my job was cake??

Come home and receive IM from mother;

Mom: You there?
Me: Yup
Me: You?
Mom: just got home, can't wait til this shit is over with D***** (my ex-husband)
Mom: I had a nightmare and he was in it last night.
Mom: I was up every hour.
Me: Welcome to the club...lol.

(Note to self: the disease has spread. Attempt to decontaminate)

Conversation with Dalton on the phone;

Dalton: Did you find my hermit crab?
Me: No, Dalton I didn't.
Dalton: Leave his blue shell out and he will come out.
Me: Oh, he will come out for his shell?
Dalton: Yeah. He will pinch Iggy.
Me: He won't pinch Iggy, honey.
Dalton: No, Daddy doesn't have a hermit crab. He doesn't have an Iggy, only at your house.
Me: (???) I know, I will look for Coco, I promise.
Dalton: I want to come to your house.
Me: Tomorrow, Dalton. I will see you tomorrow.

After conversation: I pull out every peice of furniture in the living room. I pull out ever peice of furniture in the family room. I drag the washer and dryer out in the bathroom. I pull out the refrigerator, take off the cover in the front, look with a flashlight in the back. Find hole in the cabinets and hope like hell Coco isn't in there. I look under the stove, pull it out and no crab.

Oh MY GOD, I hear clinking. Shhhh! More clinking. It's the damn crab, it has to be!!! BRB.

It was him. The little shit was crawling out from behind the refrigerator while I was typing and heading back under it when I nabbed him. He must've known I was blogging about him. Whew. I have to say, he has character and all that, but Coco is just plain creepy.

What a day.