End of Week Notes

This week has been a very good week. With the exception of a few tears, and one backward glance to see if I was still present, I hardly felt needed today with my client. Yesturday I was on her like glue, today I took a step back to let her fly alone and she did fine. My initial happiness at my employment as a TSS was the fact that I'm in a classroom and getting a decent paycheck. Today, my happiness is derived from moments of a child's successes. Already I find myself worrying about her when she is 12, then 16...where will she be? And will she feel like I abandoned her because in the end, I have been hired to scaffold her for a short period of her life.

I find myself presented with challenges. My expertise is in teaching, accommodating an entire classroom of diverse students. I made my first mistake early, not realizing it until after it was too late. My job is to focus on one student. But I knew all the names of the entire class on the second day. I already have 'gifts' of pictures from a few of the other students. Today I tied the shoes of at least 4 children. I have to hold my tongue when I see the little things that kids do when they are supposed to be paying attention to instruction. I get asked for help ALOT with academics and REALLY have to limit myself, as my purpose in this employment setting is not to teach. But I do help a little. I can't help it.

On the flip side, there are benefits. As a teacher, you are limited in the time you can spend on the 'parenting' of a child. I know where my kid is at all times. I can spend as much time as it takes to modify a negative behavior and get her back to her lesson. I can wipe tears and take a walk. I can go to the nurses office to see if she's feeling better. I can stick to her like glue, or give her some space. It's really amazing what I'm learning and it will only make me a better teacher. I love my job. I really love kids.

Speaking of kids...I think I'm going to have Lori work my Friday night at the restaurant if she can. Yes, I need the money; however, the idea of an entire weekend with my sons is too tempting to not take advantage of. Friday is St. Paddy's Day, so we are going to do the green apple juice, corned beef and cabbage thing. If Saturday is nice, we're going to the park to fly kites. I called my sons yesturday while they were at their dad's. My youngest actually talked to me (he isn't fond of talking on the phone yet) and asked me if I was coming 'over'. He said to come after dinner to pick him up. I explained that Mommy had to work that night, but would see him Friday after school. And so, I want that extra time...screw the finances. It can wait a few more days.

Life is good. Catastrophies have subsided and hopefully two paychecks will prevent others from occurring. I've come to accept the single life and am now too busy to think much about it...so it eliminates my worry about being alone. For the first time, I feel like I may just be moving up the scale on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Being 32 might not be so bad after all. I may just hang here a couple more years. :)