Time...

These days, I'm constantly feeling the crunch. Time. There have been so many times in my life that I needed some concrete answers instead of this reach and feel in the dark. I could use some now.

I'm very discouraged with the teaching field right now. They told me it would be difficult to land a job. Experience in this rural area I find, thus far, its impossible. How long do I wait? I'm considering going back to school. No, I have decided I am. I am grateful that things are better now, but I can't settle here. No retirement, no medical benefits, and no way up. And no house. I am going crazy living in someone else's house, paying rent every month...for rooms I can't even paint a lovely shade of purple should I desire. And a vacation...I would just once like to feel I can pay the bills (including attorney's fees) and still be able to take the kids on a real vacation.

But I have to consider when going back to school, the cost, monetary of course, but also the cost on the kids, on whatever social life I may have, on me. How much can I take on without totally cracking up? As it is, realistically, I'm very frustrated with keeping up on household stuff and work. But I'm 33. Forty is looking down on me with a welcoming smile. I would like meet it with stability on my back.

And I'm at the point where I feel like I'm making a decision that has sort of been made for me already. No relationship, no partner, no personal fulfillment (other than the rewarding job as mom)...maybe this is what I need to do. Grow. Learn. Increase my marketability.

I'll let you know how it goes.