WTF

Today was bad, bad, bad when I went to pick up the kids. D did it again, my son was so upset and for once, I had to say what was on my mind. I'm at my wits end and I can't change Derek's dad and can't explain the problem when his eyes focus inward to no other needs or desires but his own. He planned a camping trip, left yesturday, and I picked Derek and Dalton up at the campground. Long story short, Derek was having fun and didn't want to leave, so he threw a tantrum. Not just a tantrum and uncontrollable screaming fit. He ran away from me. When I FINALLY got him into the car (it took 1/2 an hour), he screamed he hated me, hates my house, doesn't want to be with me. I tried to console him, be firm with him, but the simple fact of the matter is, he just doesn't understand. And on my part, I have tried to be very in tune to the kids wants and needs and so have given in when he has wanted to stay. Not once has his dad returned that favor when the situation was reversed. But as I was driving away, I got angry. D works at home, his schedule is 'extremely flexible' , his words. I never plan things that the boys have to leave in the middle of. So I turned around and confronted D. I told him that I am going to ask the question that he needs to answer for Derek since Derek can't formulate it on his own as a child. I asked him why he can't plan a camping trip that he starts and finishes during his custody week? Why is it every time I pick them up, he has to make his son feel like he's missing something? Why does he constantly tell Derek about the things he misses when he is with me? I demanded an explanation. And his response was that he explained it to Derek. So then why is the child screaming and crying?? Derek's reaction was anything but acceptance and understanding. D doesn't get it. He can't see beyond his own mentality. This happens over and over and over. And I guess this is the conclusion I have to reconcile to myself. I can't change it and it isn't going to change. It will probably never change. And all I can do is deal with it the best way possible, though I'm not sure how that is exactly. Friends and well-meaning acquaintances have told me that I still live in the past, that I dwell on the things I can't change. I guess this is true. After three years, I should come to the realization that I'll never make a blind man see.

The good thing is, we came home, Derek was playing in the sandbox and said "I love you, Mommy". So, I guess the point to my post is this. Maybe I'm fighting a battle that I have won, in some small way.

So We had to come back to the house because Derek asked me to remove a sliver (surprised me since usually he won't let me touch them) and clean up teary faces, mine included. I had to regroup, and the kids are eating freeze pops. We're off to the park with tennis rackets and swimsuits. I'm going to do boy stuff all night.

P.S. I got pictures. I posted two of my favorites! This is Derek playing t-ball. The kid has a very unique playing style, to say the least.