Driving time is my thinking time. I can drive hours and hours and eat it up with thoughts. Nights like tonight, my thoughts included some self evaluation.
I have been unwittingly 'set-up'. Yesturday I went to my moms for a care free day with the kids hanging out with her at the pool. Then my sister called. She's bringing her new boyfriend and her boyfriends friend. Great. Now I have to hide myself in a shirt and comb my hair. Ducky.
So here we are the fifth and sixth wheel. I hate it. HATE IT! Granted he seems to be a nice enough guy, good looking...and of course, I do as I do, be polite and converse..yada yada...then the mild flirtations, yada yada...(not on my part)...and so tonight I talked to him a bit and it was ok, but still I know I probably won't give him the time of day.
And so I ask myself, why not?? In the old days, I probably would have toyed with the idea of dating him. Now, I have made sort of a snap judgement. My sister has accused me in the past of being snooty. I'm not snooty, I just get a vibe. It either works or doesn't work. And in the brief conversation I had with this guy I am pretty sure it wouldn't. And so, I find myself asking what it is that I'm looking for. What do I think I'm supposed to find??
The best way I can explain it, to myself or anyone else, is that I'm looking for direction. Someone with a good idea of what to expect from life...not someone waiting for life to happen. Maybe that's maturity...wanting to know what to expect from someone else.
I'm still not explaining it well. But while I was doing all this thinking in the car, this thought struck me...
I want a lighthouse...not the brightest star in the sky, or the sparkle of diamond. Just the muted light of a lighthouse with solid foundation, strength to weather the worst of storms, and a light that draws me home.
Is that corny or what??? And so this is the beginning and end of my love life. Thoughts gathered, analyzed and put away to collect mental dust.
Time to get some sleep, two boys will be ready to run in the morning. Sweet dreams everyone.
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1 comment:
Ugh, the set-up.
I need to post some of my "memoirs from a return to dating" to make you feel better... A series of spectacular flubs until I "put my money where my mouth is" & paid for a conventional dating service.
But hey, my parents met on a blind date (55+ yrs & counting)!
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