Sperm donor

My father called. As usual, he called to be nosy. I, in a weak moment, told him I was thinking of buying a car, namely a used jeep grand cherokee. Immediately, it started. The rant...don't even look at that car, the mileage is too high, the price is too high, blah, blah, blah. Not friendly advice, but an insistent order to not look at the car. Then I told him my step-dad was going with me to look at it. Oh god, then I heard how he knows nothing, look at what he drives, on and on and on. That got my goat. Usually I use placate the situation with an ok and change of subject...but today, I nailed him. This time, he hung up on me.

I told him to just come out and say I'm a loser, because every time I talk to him about a personal decision or situation he goes on a tangent about how wrong I am. He said no you aren't...more blabbing and then back to the "do not even look at this car". In a nutshell, I told him that he is really good at giving orders, but also really good at not being around. He has never been around. "You tell me what to do, but when it comes to the nuts and bolts you aren't available and you never have been. Pop (my step-dad) has always been there. You don't offer advice, you dictate." His response, "Fine, do what you want, just don't call me when you are in bind." I said "I don't! I havent' called you in several months! I go to the ones who have been here (my mom and step dad), who care enough to be involved!" If he thinks I'm worried about $83,000 dollars in his "I'm so worried about my children after they are all grown" will money, he's got another thing coming. I'm not letting him dwell in this wonderful father fantasy, when he's not matched my step dad on his worst day parenting in his entire life. Let's ask the son he gave up for adoption who later had a miserable, abusive childhood or the daughter he hasn't seen since she was 5 (now in her thirties). Even me, the quiet mediator, has her fill after awhile.

The latest here...D and the new wifey are shacked up, and in the in love stage of the fifth divorce. He was a very unhappy camper, argued with me about returning a borrowed shirt Derek wore for his concert since he sent him in a dirty one. He was extremely grumpy, I almost feel badly for the flavor of the month. Dalton cries frequently now when I drop him off...giving me many good bye hugs, standing at the door watching me leave, crying. My heart breaks even more lately, I hear D discipling Dalton for his crying over my leaving, warning him that he'll go to bed early, go to the chair. What a miserable way to deal with your child's sadness.

Enough bitching. I'm whipped. I'm sad for my kids. I'm wondering how my life will turn out. But I do feel pretty good about telling my sperm donor what I felt. Such is life.