Stuff.

Notes of a working mom:

1. Recipe for disaster: pair of scissors, box of craft paint, a 4 yr. old and an oblivious babysitter. Final product: cut shower curtain, work shirt and slippers, green tire tracks from a wet painted John Deere toy tractor on my comforter and bedroom curtains and a painted, sleeping child.
2. I may find on any given night tupperware dishes containing dead minnows on my nightstands after a trip to the 'creek'.
3. Note to self; missing spatula, tongs and spoons, check sandbox in the morning.
4. Lipstick smears in the tub...find the lipstick ASAP.
5. Dalton can paint all 10 fingernails with blue nailpolish in 5 minutes or less behind the recliner.
6. Derek can draw pictures on nearly a whole package of printer paper in one night.
7. Macaroni and cheese is ok if the water isn't drained before adding the milk, butter and cheese...That's how the babysitter made it.
8. An entire box of cereal can be consumed during one 5 hour shift.
9. Flarp putty leaves greasy tracks on the walls.
10. Kids have no limitations in their artistic creativity. They can do wonders with a paycheck and permanent marker.

Notes of a small-town waitress:

1. The richest man in the county leaves the worst tip.
2. The largest tip I have ever received is $200.00.
3. And elderly gentleman ran into me at the grocery store one day, while shopping with the kids. My 4-yr. old was in the middle of a full-blown temper tantrum. This gentleman reminds of that incident every time he sees me.
4. My oldest son had his picture taken in the car of a rally race car driver I waited on.
5. Don Vito from Viva La Bam comes in yearly and eats mashed potatoes with his hands.
6. An audiologist that comes in heard me singing (as I always do) and said he would pull strings to get me a spot on American Idol. (I think he was kidding).
7. I had to settle an argument between a couple having dinner...was I closer to 23 or 26? Of course at 31 I said 23.
8. Methods of calculating a tip: multiply the tax by 3, use a percentage, leave 2 bucks regardless, leave less than the amount of the check.
9. Some people want fish that doesn't smell, taste or look like fish.
10. Bloopers:
(harried waitress) "Would you like a beer with your glass?" (silence, then good-humored customer response) "I would like a steak with my plate."
(little old lady) "Could I get some of that sauce..oh, it sounds like dick."
(middle aged lady) " I was so hungry for beef that cows were running away as I drove by!"